Everyone has one...

Why do we all have to have some kind of "disability"? Why can't we be relatively equal across the board? But then why are there some people who seem to have it all and don't have to worry about being held back by some problem?

Today is not a good day. I am exhausted. I cannot concentrate. I have a massive headache. I am very sensitive to every sound and light source. My joints hurt, especially my hands. My eyesight is really blurry today. I just can't accomplish much of anything. I am trying to complete a midterm that is essay-based. I have to write responses to several questions by using the information learned in class and with outside resources...which means I have to research stuff. It is so challenging when I know how smart and gifted in academics I am, but I cannot finish a simple assignment such as my midterm. I cannot sit at the computer and just type out the responses I know that I know. I cannot just sit down and research for the answers I don't know. I am struggling to just sit in my desk chair and look at the computer...let alone actually come up with the right words to explain my answers. It is extremely frustrating. I am just not having a good day.

I also woke up today with a huge dark bruise on my left leg. I think it is from my knee-high socks I was wearing yesterday. Lately I have been very bloated because of all of the salt and liquids that I have to consume. I think that by being bloated, that must have caused my legs to swell and then the socks were really tight against my leg. Who knows... It is scary waking up to something that just pops up out of nowhere and there is no explanation for it at all. It is even more frustrating when I know there's always a potential bad reason why something like that could have happened.

But, as for now, I will be done with my ranting and try to stay as positive as possible. It is just so difficult when everything used to be so easy for me back when I didn't have to deal with POTS. I just hope that my doctor can help me soon. I want to get better so badly before I have an internship to worry about and then a practicum class and then a job!! I want to get better. I need to get better!