Well I haven't updated in quite awhile. I have been busy with school and not feeling 100% either. I have been experiencing several symptoms that I used to have from way back when, which is extremely frustrating!! A lot of my generalized muscular pain has lessened, but I have been experiencing much more:
- pin-point head and eye pains
- troubles with speaking, especially forming words into sentences and verbal expression (troubles saying what I want to say correctly and consistently)
- problems with short-term memory and remembering instructions (difficult to carry out a task that requires multiple steps)
- over-stimulation with sensory stimuli
- temperature over-sensitivity
- brain fogging!!!
- shortness of breath
These symptoms interfere with my everyday living. This is difficult for me to cope with because of the great impact it has. They affect my ability to complete my schoolwork and social life. Today is Christmas Day and everyone is at our house--grandparents, aunt, uncle, etc. The problem is that I am overwhelmed and very very fatigued. I cannot take part in the social experience of small talking with family members, or even sitting in the same room as everyone. I am exhausted by the time I get ready for everyone to come over (blow-drying my hair, putting on makeup, getting dressed, helping with last minute tasks), so this causes me to already hit my threshold. I am physically able to get ready, but that is too exhausting for my body that I cannot do anything afterwards. I become short-tempered, withdrawn/dazed, and sleepy. It feels as if I did not sleep at all for days and that everything around me is at a fast pace while I am stuck in slow motion.
Don't get me wrong, I am very fortunate to have such loving and supportive family and friends. I am also very lucky that I don't have to be stuck in a wheelchair or bedridden for the rest of my life. I can still do things. However, I feel as though I am stuck in someone else's body. I have the potential to do so much more than I am doing now, but I am held back by an uncooperative body. Sure, everyone has their own "disability". POTS is just my disability. I am hoping that with more research, more knowledge, and more help from my doctor in early January when I visit him again that I will feel better and be able to achieve more with each and every day. It is just extremely frustrating when I want to do something but I cannot. It will get better in time. I will have a Happy New Year once I see my doctor again :)
