The waiting game stinks!!!! I really don't want to wait forever to hear back from my doctor. I want answers. I want some relief. It feels like they constantly are forgetting me because I am not there in the office talking to them face-to-face. I am attempting to talk to the middleman in order to talk to my doctor. Why can't this process be easier? Or at least faster?
I feel sorry for the people trying to contact their doctors when they are in emergency situations. I know I'm not an emergency to my doctors, but I can barely function. I can barely make it through my day. I am too exhausted and brain fogged to do much at all. My schoolwork is being affected by it already. Yes, I still have decent grades, but I'm afraid that if I am too brain fogged or fatigued, my test scores will drop or I won't be able to do the best I can possibly do. I stepped down from one of my clubs so that my responsibilities will be filled by someone else. I have retreated, and I don't like it! I do know, however, that this is for the best.
Somehow, some way, I will feel better. Whether or not my doctor can give me a clue into how I can be feeling better is the question now. I know that my determination and strength will help me to feel better eventually. It just would be so much easier if I had some help from effective medications or something! Patience is key now. I will try to be a patient patient! :)
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Theme Song of this Month
Even though the song is technically about a relationship ending, I feel that the lyrics are what really count. What doesn't kill us really does makes us stronger....so I have had this perspective since day 1---since 2008.
"You think you got the best of me. Think you had the last laugh. Bet you think that everything good is gone...What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Stand a little taller...What doesn't kill you makes a fighter."
This song is true with me. My relationship with POTS has made me into a fighter. It has made me stronger. I have the strength to overcome this chaos and pain. Everything is still good; the good is not gone. I can still do some things that I want to do. I have to be thankful for that. I do stand taller because I know that POTS has not won. I know it won't.
Hoping to keep this perspective even through all the chaos of having POTS. :)
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Frustration...
Well, in my last post I said how I would probably go on the 5 mg of Midodrine. Well, today I couldn't take the symptoms anymore. I had to start the 5 mg because I couldn't function. It's not even the pain that is truly bothering me anymore. That I can deal with. It's the brain fogging and fatigue that drive me absolutely crazy! I can barely get out of bed. I could not pay attention in class or at work. I feel like I'm in a daze or that my brain is falling apart. The things I used to be so amazing in, like comprehension of class material, speaking, creating art, and being efficient and productive have all been thrown out the window. I feel as though I cannot do these things well at all. I constantly misplace items, forget what I have learned in classes, have trouble forming my words and conveying my thoughts to others, and staying on-task. Considering I have POTS and cannot do other things that "normal" people can do (go to social outings, play sports, and travel), I have always relied on my inner strengths and knowledge to be successful. Now that those things have also been damaged, it is difficult to accept these changes.
No matter what I do, it doesn't seem to matter. I do EVERYTHING that my doctor tells me to do. It is so frustrating to just handle the symptoms when I am trying so hard to get better. My body is going to do what it's going to do, but I just want it to cooperate with me! It is so hard to convey the frustration to others because they just see me as the girl who is an overachiever who just looks tired, even though they know I have POTS. It almost feels like my whole body is damaged, like some specific part is missing, and I need to find that part to fix everything. But, that is not the case. I have POTS. It is frustrating. All I can do is continue doing what my doctor tells me to do and keep hopeful thoughts that everything will get better soon. All of my hard work will pay off eventually. Sure it is definitely not fun in the present, but I'm pretty sure the future holds happy and fun times ahead! All I can do is wait.
No matter what I do, it doesn't seem to matter. I do EVERYTHING that my doctor tells me to do. It is so frustrating to just handle the symptoms when I am trying so hard to get better. My body is going to do what it's going to do, but I just want it to cooperate with me! It is so hard to convey the frustration to others because they just see me as the girl who is an overachiever who just looks tired, even though they know I have POTS. It almost feels like my whole body is damaged, like some specific part is missing, and I need to find that part to fix everything. But, that is not the case. I have POTS. It is frustrating. All I can do is continue doing what my doctor tells me to do and keep hopeful thoughts that everything will get better soon. All of my hard work will pay off eventually. Sure it is definitely not fun in the present, but I'm pretty sure the future holds happy and fun times ahead! All I can do is wait.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Mother Nature sure is confusing me!
Well the weather has been crazy this winter!! Today I walked to class and had sleet hit my face. On the way back to my dorm, it was pouring rain. Now it is super dark and cold. Such a strange season! It definitely does not help with my symptoms though. Having the weather bounce up and down in temperature and in precipitation makes it difficult for me to differentiate muscle or joint pains due to working out more now and the tightness in my muscles and joints due to the weather changes.
It is frustrating because I need to figure out if I am feeling better on the 2.5 mg of Midodrine that I started last Friday. My doctor says to try that out for a week, then if I don't feel better, I will go on 5 mg. So, no more Nadolol, which is good because it made me pretty tired (even more so than usual). But, due to the weather fluctuations and my symptoms fluctuating, I cannot tell if I feel any different with the 2.5 mg of Midodrine 3 times a day. So, I hope that with the increase that I will start on Friday, I will get to feeling even better!! :)
It is frustrating because I need to figure out if I am feeling better on the 2.5 mg of Midodrine that I started last Friday. My doctor says to try that out for a week, then if I don't feel better, I will go on 5 mg. So, no more Nadolol, which is good because it made me pretty tired (even more so than usual). But, due to the weather fluctuations and my symptoms fluctuating, I cannot tell if I feel any different with the 2.5 mg of Midodrine 3 times a day. So, I hope that with the increase that I will start on Friday, I will get to feeling even better!! :)
Monday, January 16, 2012
Yeah I'm still there...
Even with a medical condition like POTS, I'm still here. I'm still me. I can do whatever I want to. I can achieve anything I want to. Sure there are plenty of limitations with what I can do, but I can still do things I want to. If I push through the pain, force my fatigued body to get up, then I can go to college, get straight A's, be involved in multiple organizations, and take part in hobbies. It takes a heck of a lot to push through the pain and fatigue and brain fogginess, but I can do it. It is possible.
Just as Eleanor Roosevelt said, "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
POTS may be tough to live with, but I know that no matter what, I can achieve anything I want to.
Being up at the Mayo Clinic was frustrating, but at least I have an answer as to why my symptoms were getting out of control last semester...I am officially NOT in recovery anymore. My POTS has relapsed. There is no way to truly explain why it happened, but it did. Now I am back on the Nadolol, and possibly the Midodrine again within the next few weeks. I still am very very fatigued and brain fogged. The generalized pain is alright, definitely tolerable, but not unnoticeable. I tend to have more headaches that are annoying at times and get pretty dizzy because of the Nadolol's effect of slowing down my heart rate. But, it should get better. I should be feeling better soon! I am just very thankful that I have a wonderful support system and understanding professors! That makes everything so much easier! :)
Just as Eleanor Roosevelt said, "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
POTS may be tough to live with, but I know that no matter what, I can achieve anything I want to.
Being up at the Mayo Clinic was frustrating, but at least I have an answer as to why my symptoms were getting out of control last semester...I am officially NOT in recovery anymore. My POTS has relapsed. There is no way to truly explain why it happened, but it did. Now I am back on the Nadolol, and possibly the Midodrine again within the next few weeks. I still am very very fatigued and brain fogged. The generalized pain is alright, definitely tolerable, but not unnoticeable. I tend to have more headaches that are annoying at times and get pretty dizzy because of the Nadolol's effect of slowing down my heart rate. But, it should get better. I should be feeling better soon! I am just very thankful that I have a wonderful support system and understanding professors! That makes everything so much easier! :)
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