The experience of an illness is a time when people usually find out who their true friends are. Sometimes the extra stress of an illness can break a friendship. But sometimes the illness brings people closer. Maintaining friendships despite the undeniable difficulties faced by the impact of the illness is a tough feat. Illness takes a huge toll on any relationship whether a friendship, romance, or family bond. How people respond to it all defines their character and defines the strength of the friendship. A faithful friend, though, is the medicine of life. I always say that laughter is the most effective (and cheapest!) medication available to every single person. However, you need to share the laughter with others. That's when friends step in.
Friends support each other. You go to functions together. Share memories together. My friends and I would have lunch together and play in the school band together. We would have sleepovers and go bowling too. When I began to experience the first symptoms of POTS in 2005, my friends didn't understand at all. I suddenly missed lunches at school because of doctors' appointments. I began to not feel well so I would go to the nurse's office. I would not join them in sleepover nights when I was too exhausted to pull an all-nighter with them. I wanted to do the things I used to do with my friends. My body just wasn't on the same page as my mind.
My friends didn't understand because I didn't understand what was going on. I couldn't convey to them the pains I was feeling because I didn't know why I was in such pain. They thought I was making up my symptoms just so that I would have an excuse to not hang out with them. This was difficult especially when I needed their support at that time. My symptoms were complicated and were "invisible". I didn't have a broken leg or anything physically obvious going on. My symptoms were all internal. My autonomic nervous system was dysfunctional (dysautonomia) so my heart rate, blood pressure, respiration, digestion, blood vessel dilation and constriction, sensory regulation, and body temperature were all dysfunctional. These are not obvious to normal people.
I had to use extra energy to do very simple things, so that is why I was so exhausted. This can be described as the "invisible work" I have to do every second of the day. I have to compensate for the malfunctions in my body. My schoolwork, of course, was/is the most important thing in my life. Friends always came 2nd, and they understood that. I never had a problem with my schoolwork. I was always very bright and very efficient with my time. But when I exhibited the symptoms of POTS, it took me longer to complete my assignments. I experienced brain fogging throughout much of the day, so I would have to work harder to complete my work. I had to rest more because my body needed to regain energy. I didn't have as much time or energy to spend with my friends.
I constantly would explain to my friends that there is no cure or a "magic pill" to fix my symptoms. I had times where I did feel better. I would be able to hang out for the day at a friend's house. I would be able to go bum around at the mall. But there were times where I would not feel well again. There was always a constant up and down and up and down with my symptoms. Some symptoms would come at me at full force and then the next day I would be functioning rather well again. I was not able to see how my days would play out before they happened. I couldn't plan for get-togethers or RSVP to an event in fear that I wouldn't feel well that day.
This never went over well with my friends because they didn't understand. Sometimes when friends and/or classmates didn't understand what was going on with me, there would be plenty of gossip and rumors spread about me. I knew I shouldn't take it to heart, but it was still hard. I was still the same friend as I was before I got sick. I still cared deeply about my friends. I wanted to hang out and go places together. They treated me differently. They were always uncomfortable because they feared that I was going to faint if we played a game or something. They were always so cautious and talked behind my back. I am an approachable person. I'm not scary to talk to, and I always reminded my friends that if they had any questions that they should ask. I knew deep down that my friends cared and that they were not bad people.
I just think that the stress of a medical condition and the changes that I had to make because of POTS scared my friends away. I didn't get invited to many things after awhile because they assumed I would say no even though I didn't always say no. They hung out every weekend and had sleepovers and then came to school on Monday talking about the amazing weekend they had together. I was never invited to those though. It is difficult. I know countless people can relate, whether they have a medical condition or not. Friendships are always tested by life's events. How your friends handle these events shows you who is willing to stick around and who is not. Understanding makes the difference.
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