The Good. The Bad. The Ugly.

Well let's start with the bad and the ugly and then work our way to the happier things!

POTS poses many challenges: from not being understood by friends, classmates, and family, to the amount of physical difficulties endured. Most youth with POTS tend to be highly intelligent and fit the stereotype as high achievers. Living with a medical condition is stressful and difficult. It took time to adapt to all of the changes that went on with my body because of POTS. Being an over-achiever doesn't help this though. I wanted to be the best I could possibly be. I wanted to succeed in everything that I did. I just wished for some energy so I could get that "A" in class. I dreamed of becoming the best musician in my school's band and becoming a star athlete.

It was incredibly hard to adapt to my body's changes when I was so young because I didn't understand what exactly was going on and everyone else seemed to know what was best for me. I felt that I had no control over my own life. This is difficult still too even though I'm 20 now. Symptoms came and went, and varied dramatically in severity. I had to overcome many symptoms just to get out of bed in the mornings and force my body to move. I was lightheaded, was near fainting every time I attempted to stand up or wait in line, extreme fatigue, had heart palpitations, tremulousness, chest discomfort, generalized weakness and muscle pains, tight joints, shortness of breath, excessive sweating, blood pooling in my limbs, intolerance to heat, humidity, and temperature changes, cognitive impairment, dizziness, tachycardia (fast heart rate), chills, noise and light sensitivity, was easily over-stimulated, had numbness in my feet and legs, irregular menstrual cycles, loss of appetite, chemical sensitivities, bloating after eating meals, headaches, blurred vision, dysfunction of pupil contraction/dilation, disorientation, exercise intolerance, brain fogging, pressure behind the eye, and impaired concentration.

This made it extremely difficult to have a social life. Since POTS usually affects teens and young adults, like myself, it was especially difficult since these are the most important years to have a social life. I wasn't able to attend events anymore. I was not able to enjoy time with my friends and family because I was too exhausted. 

I had been really active before the onset of POTS. I was a cross-country runner, played in the honors band at school, and took a few honors courses. I definitely fell under the description of an over-achiever. I was the teacher's pet of most of my classes as my classmates would say. Then when I was about 14, a freshman in high school, I started to feel pains in my feet that continued to travel upwards until my entire body was in extreme pain and I couldn't do anything about it. No longer could I do those things my life once revolved around. I was too exhausted to even complete some of my homework assignments. This dramatic change was difficult for me to accept and confusing to everyone around me. This is the bad and the ugly. It's very difficult and you feel as though you are walking up a mountain carrying an elephant. Every activity is challenging. I had to give up a lot that I loved, but I did gain some things too.

I gained an understanding of what it's really like to be bedridden, be stuck in a wheelchair, feel intense pain that I would imagine arthritis patients or fibromyalgia patients suffer from, be too exhausted to do things, feel as though the world is now against me, and feel as though I'm not worth it. Everything changed so dramatically and everything was so sudden. One day I was perfectly healthy and the next I had such a struggle physically pulling myself out of bed. I can understand what it's like for other patients and how they must feel. I gained a compassion and I learned to accept help from others. I learned to let my body do its own thing and I will catch up with everyone later. I learned to listen to my body even though I didn't want to. I learned more about anatomy, the medical field in general, and everything there is to know about insurance companies!! Ha Ha!!

I also learned that through humor I can overcome anything. Having that positive attitude and the hope that there will be a day when I get better motivated me every day. Having that high achieving mindset motivated me to keep going and force my body to do things like walking even when I was in such horrible pain and I was so dizzy. This is what helped in my recovery. Because of the things I learned and the motivation I had, I am now recovering from POTS. It may still be another 1 or 2 years until I'm truly better, but at least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now! There may be plenty of ugly days, but the things I have gained through having a medical condition will forever be a part of me! :)