Beyond Frustrated Now

Okay doctors and researchers out there: come up with a solution! I'm getting awfully tired of this! I don't like being the guinea pig. I don't like living each day with the worry that I won't be able to get my homework done, or maybe I won't make it to the bathroom in time, or maybe I will be viewed as the "sick girl". I want to participate in life. Yes, I do have a better life than some other POTS patients do. But that is not my point. My point is that I'm tired being tired. I'm tired feeling joint and muscle pain. I'm tired of not knowing what my body will do throughout the day. I'm tired of not knowing how to make anything better. I'm tired of constantly trying and trying and trying and trying to make things easier for myself. I'm tired of giving up so many important things in my life just so that I can get through my day. I'm tired of trying new medications and trying to add more Gatorade or more water or more salt or more exercise to my already tiring routine. I'm exhausted.

Please come up with a solution. Some kind of help would be nice. I don't like how the doctors and researchers have no clue as to what to do with POTS patients. I don't like how we are left to twiddle our thumbs and hope for the best while we wait for some kind of results from our tremendous strength and hard work. Well, I'm exhausted. I need help. I need for there to be some kind of answer. Something!!!

I know I'm strong. I know I'm not depressed. I know I will eventually get through this. Waiting and wishing for years and years for things to get better has not worked. I'm still not feeling good. I'm still not able to do the things I want to do. I need the doctors to figure something out. It is getting on my nerves that some of the best doctors in the world can't seem to help me. It is beyond frustrating. I'm beyond being upset. I feel helpless sometimes because I have to sit around and wait until I feel better in order to do something I want to do (usually I have to wait around to feel better so I can start my homework).

How is anyone supposed to be able to get anything done when they feel as though they haven't slept in 5 days, have run 10 marathons, and have taken 50 tests all in one day?? That's what it feels like. That's how mentally and physically exhausting I feel. I'm so fatigued and brain fogged each and every second of my day without any relief in sight. How can anyone function like that? I have no idea how I am able to do what limited things I can do. No idea at all!! I don't know how I can sit in class or get a 4.0 at college. I don't know how I can walk on some days. I have no idea how I am able to do that!

Again, I know I'm strong. But really, how am I supposed to live like this every day of my life? How am I not depressed?? I have no idea!! Must be the strength and good attitude. I have no more patience though. I need some relief. Something better change or else I might become Miss Cranky Pants! haha