Well, in my last post I said how I would probably go on the 5 mg of Midodrine. Well, today I couldn't take the symptoms anymore. I had to start the 5 mg because I couldn't function. It's not even the pain that is truly bothering me anymore. That I can deal with. It's the brain fogging and fatigue that drive me absolutely crazy! I can barely get out of bed. I could not pay attention in class or at work. I feel like I'm in a daze or that my brain is falling apart. The things I used to be so amazing in, like comprehension of class material, speaking, creating art, and being efficient and productive have all been thrown out the window. I feel as though I cannot do these things well at all. I constantly misplace items, forget what I have learned in classes, have trouble forming my words and conveying my thoughts to others, and staying on-task. Considering I have POTS and cannot do other things that "normal" people can do (go to social outings, play sports, and travel), I have always relied on my inner strengths and knowledge to be successful. Now that those things have also been damaged, it is difficult to accept these changes.
No matter what I do, it doesn't seem to matter. I do EVERYTHING that my doctor tells me to do. It is so frustrating to just handle the symptoms when I am trying so hard to get better. My body is going to do what it's going to do, but I just want it to cooperate with me! It is so hard to convey the frustration to others because they just see me as the girl who is an overachiever who just looks tired, even though they know I have POTS. It almost feels like my whole body is damaged, like some specific part is missing, and I need to find that part to fix everything. But, that is not the case. I have POTS. It is frustrating. All I can do is continue doing what my doctor tells me to do and keep hopeful thoughts that everything will get better soon. All of my hard work will pay off eventually. Sure it is definitely not fun in the present, but I'm pretty sure the future holds happy and fun times ahead! All I can do is wait.
We will figure this out!! I think once you increase the Midodrine, you'll feel better. I know this is so frustrating! If I could take the POTS away from you, I would! It's just not fair that you have to suffer so much during the best years of your life. COME ON you intelligent doctors and researchers....figure this out already! Find a cure!! Keep fighting my little one! Love, Mom
ReplyDeleteMoms always seem to know just what to say :)
Delete